There have been a couple of articles springing up on Digg about how great George Carlin was; I agree the man had talent – he was somewhat ahead of his time in the early days and throughout his career produced some excellent material. Infact I’d go as far as to say he influenced a great many others who followed in his footsteps.. but when people start comparing him to Mark Twain… What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?
Both comedians did use profanity in their material and both explored similar subjects – however Hicks took the subject to a darker, more sinister reality level which not only made you laugh, but made you think - and refer to it again and again when living your life. Carlin’s work on the other hand didn’t hit so hard, or cross so many lines. Maybe that’s why Hicks’ material was far more accepted in the UK…
Great Carlin Quotes
“Weather tonight: dark. Turning partly light by morning.”
“You can prick your finger … Just don’t finger your prick.”
“How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes…dies.”
“If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?”
“The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
“How is it possible to have a civil war?”
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Bill Hicks Quotes
I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live …. and shut your fuckin’ mouth.
A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fucking cross? It’s like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant.
People say “Iraq had the fourth largest army in the world”. Yeah, maybe, but you know what, after the first 3 largest armies, there’s a REAL big fucking drop-off. The Hare Krishnas are the 5th largest army in the world, and they’ve already got all our airports.
I don’t do drugs anymore… than say, the average touring funk band.
If you don’t believe drugs have done good things for us, then go home and burn all your records, all your tapes, and all your CDs because every one of those artists who have made brilliant music and enhanced your lives? RrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrEAL fucking high on drugs. The Beatles were so fucking high they let Ringo sing a few songs.
The musicians today who don’t do drugs and in fact speak out against it? “Rock Against Drugs?” BOY do they suck.
Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.
Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.
I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you’d be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.
I dunno how much AIDS scares y’all, but I got a theory: the day they come out with a cure for AIDS, a guaranteed one-shot cure, on that day there’s gonna be fucking in the streets, man.
You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day” Yeah, looks liked He rushed it.
I love talking about the Kennedy assasination. The reason I do is because I’m fascinated by it. I’m fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it. I think that’s interesting in what is ostensibly a democracy. Sarcasm – come on in. People say “Bill, quit talking about Kennedy man. It was a long time ago, just let it go, alright? It’s a long time ago, just forget it.” I’m like, alright, then don’t bring up Jesus to me. As long as we’re talking shelf life here…
It’s great to be here…whereever I am. I thank you. Ah, I’ve been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time.
I’ve learned a lot about women. I think I’ve learned exactly how the fall of man occured in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, and Adam said one day, “Wow, Eve, here we are, at one with nature, at one with God, we’ll never age, we’ll never die, and all our dreams come true the instant that we have them.” And Eve said, “Yeah… it’s just not enough is it?”
The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That’s pretty fucking cruel isn’t it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too?
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Filed under: humour | Tagged: bill hicks, comedy, george carlin
