What I’ve learned about having kids. Part 1.

The last 10 weeks have been somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster for Rach and I; 10 weeks ago we found out she was pregnant. Last week we found out she’d miscarried. We’re both emotionally strong folks and big on communication, so have dealt with it very well – that’s not really the point of this post.

What I have realised since we started trying to conceive is the stats of NOT getting pregnant to full term. In my nativity I thought you waited until the appropriate time, put part A in part B, shook vigorously for 2-3 mins 🙂 bake for 9 months at 101’F or thereabouts and then you had a baby.

Well let me tell you it got more scientific than that. Here’s what I read is “supposed” to happen.

  • If you want a girl – Don’t do it doggy and have sex prior to ovulation (so you’ll need to track your temp ladies!)
  • If you want a boy – On all fours and howl at the moon – also wait until ovulation.
  • In either case, after “arriving”, the woman should elevate her legs so things flow in the right direction (unless he shoots like a power hose, in which case, don’t gargle I suppose).
  • A woman’s chance of getting pregnant is 10% during the first month, 25% during the first 3 months, 60% 6 months and 90% first year (that may not be totally accurate, and does not consider other factors such as age, smoking, drinking, etc).

Equally even if the woman is pregnant…

  • Almost 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, with the majority occurring during the first 12 weeks.
  • 75% chance of miscarriage in weeks 1-2 of pregnancy, when you do not know you are pregnant.
  • 10% chance of miscarriage in weeks 3-6 and this number drops to 5% during weeks 6-12.
  • During the second trimester the chance of miscarriage drops again to 3%. After you’ve reached 20 weeks gestation, it is no longer considered a miscarriage.

For repeat miscarriage the statistic are as follows:

  • If you have had a miscarriage during your first pregnancy, your chances of another miscarriage are 10-13%.
  • If you have had one or more live births and one miscarriage your chance of another miscarriage is around 10%.
  • There is a 40% chance of a repeat miscarriage if you have had two pregnancies and two miscarriages.
  • The chance of multiple miscarriages is lower, at around 13%, if you have had one or more live births.
  • If you have had three pregnancies and three miscarriages there is a 60% chance you will miscarry again. If you have had four miscarriages with no live births your chances of a healthy pregnancy drop to 0-5%.

(source : AmazingPregnancy.com)

That’s pretty amazing stuff eh? What the study didn’t say is that those folks who do drunken one-night stands and don’t use contraception throw all that out the window 🙂


4 thoughts on “What I’ve learned about having kids. Part 1.

  1. Man, it’s so true…. a few thoughts —

    1. After working so carefully NOT to conceive for so long I sort of had the thought that as soon as you played the game without a goalie you would instantly get pregnant! Amazing that there are so many unwanted pregnancies!

    2. One thing that I found pretty stressful is that once you’ve had a miscarriage, that fantasy bubble is popped for good. I mean, as the statistics you’ve quoted above, stuff happens all the time, but I didn’t really think it would happen to me until it did. I remember being pretty scared with my second pregnancy (Alec) until the day we passed the deadline of the first pregnancy.

    3. It is AMAZING how so many miscarriages happen but how little it’s talked about! When I had mine, and I started talking about it, so many people who had kids were like “of course, I had one too”. I was still really sad, but it does make me wonder — what would the whole process be like if we could be really open about this, get support, and move on? I still don’t believe in all this “don’t tell anyone until you’re past 12 weeks” stuff — for fear of miscarriage — wouldn’t you want your friends to be able to help and support you if something DID happen? It was a strange thing to tell my parents about our miscarriage — they didn’t know we were trying to get pregnant so they were like, “oh I’m so sorry but YAY that you’re trying” That’s a weird combo.

    Take care both of you and much blessings on your endeavors!!!

  2. I have two beautiful little boys 2 yrs old, and 1 yrs old. I have recently had two miscarriages and docs are now testing for Lupus. I have struggled to find any information out there that is relevant to my situation. How do you have two healthy normal full term live births and then have two miscarriages. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

  3. I have no medical experience and cannot offer you anything substantial from that perspective. That being said my sister has had 2 beautiful girls and 2 miscarriages and another relative had ** 5 ** miscarriages before having 2 healthy kids. Whilst the emotion of having a miscarriage can never truly be understood by any man, I can only try to empathise with your situation.

    As the Drs explained to us – the body knows when the situation is good and when it’s not. That kind of helps the logical part of the brain but probably not the emotional for most of us.

  4. I understand what you are saying Paul. It is an amazing thing how the body works. I was just looking around and found the post to be motivating in the sense of wanting to write a comment. I too am not a doctor but I think the stress in my life at this time has been a contributing factor even though the doctors do not believe that stress has anything to do with it.

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